


Mistakes

by Vamphile



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Gap Filler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-02-26
Updated: 2006-02-26
Packaged: 2018-12-26 19:48:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12065805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vamphile/pseuds/Vamphile
Summary: Gapfiller Convo (sort of a prequel to All mistakes are temorary) takes place 511 - 513 once Brian and Justin decide that they really can't get married.





	Mistakes

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

  
Author's notes: _alicesprings on LJ asked for a convo that we never really got... Brian and Justin working out how they were going to NOT do this...or whatever...this is what i wrote.  


* * *

* * *

****

Mistakes

* * *

“Well fuck.”

Justin rolled his eyes. “Tell me about it.”

“So now what?”

“Fuck if I know.”

Brian sighed heavily and lit a cigarette. “We’re getting married in a couple of days.”

“Is that what you want?”

“Is it what you want?”

“Isn’t this what the whole proposal and acceptance thing is about?”

“Yeah, but we didn’t really talk about what happens next.”

“There was nothing to talk about. We get married. We move into BriTin. We fuck, a lot. We live happily ever after.”

“No more tricking ever?”

“That’s what marriage means isn’t it?” Brian was out of bed now, walking towards the kitchen. Still naked.

“It doesn’t have to. I didn’t ask you to stop tricking. I didn’t ask you to marry me.”

“No I asked YOU.”

“And I said yes.”

“But I didn’t know what you were saying no to.”

“And if you had?”

“I wouldn’t have asked.”

Justin froze. He didn’t know what to say at that point. He’d meant what he’d said to Lindsay. New York wasn’t his only opportunity, or his opportunity of a lifetime. Brian was. “Are you taking back your offer?”

“Do you want me to?”

“Fuck no. But I want to marry YOU. I never wanted to be a Stepford fag. I never asked you to cuddle. I never asked you to stop tricking. I never asked you for anything other than the promise that at some point we’d build something together that no amount of tricking could touch. That’s all I’ve ever really wanted from you Brian.” Justin moved towards him now. But Brian moved away from the kitchen counter, taking his beer with him. He sat on the sofa and lit another cigarette. 

“You should go to New York.”

“Why?”

“Because it is the opportunity of a lifetime. Because it’s where you really want to be. Because I’ll still be here when you get back, if you want to come back.”

“I don’t want to go.”

“Yes you do.”

“Brian. I want you. I’ve been through this before. People fawning all over me. People telling me how talented I am, how rich I’ll be. It all falls apart in the end.”

“If it falls apart, come back, but if it doesn’t, you’ll have everything you want. You loved L.A. Justin. You told me that. You’ll love New York too, and you can’t give that up. I can’t ask you to give that up. I won’t ask you to give that up. You have to go. I’ll still be here, and I’ll be there. I’ll visit; it’s what, 50 minutes by plane? We’ll probably see each other more than we do now.”

“Brian you know it doesn’t work like that.”

“I do?”

“We both do. You hate to fly. You barely like being in a committed relationship when I’m here, there’s no way you’re gonna like having responsibilities towards me when I’m hundreds of miles away, and god dammit. I want to live in that house!”

Brian laughed out loud. “We can stay there on the weekends you come back to visit.”

“I’ll have other obligations. My mom, Michael and the comic book, Daphne.”

“So you go and we’re over.”

“NO.”

Brian looked up, startled at the reaction. 

“I’m not going.”

“Justin, you have to.”

Justin sat down next to Brian. He sighed heavily, exhausted, and emotionally drained. “I can’t go Brian, we’re too close… we’re almost there.”

“Justin, we’re…”

Justin shook his head. “I know. We have to do this, or not do this. I know but… can’t we just pretend that the whole world doesn’t exist? That I’m just a lowly painter with no talent and that you’re not an emotionally complicated man whose sexuality is deeply tied to his physical and emotional well-being?”

“Sure. We can pretend that for the rest of the night, but in the morning, you have to pack.”

Justin was crying now. “I don’t think I can.”

“We have to. Justin we can’t start this way. We can’t start out with both of us giving up things we need. Things we want. Things we’ll always resent not having.”

They were holding each other. Tears falling from hazel eyes fell onto pale skin. “I’ll be there. We’ll talk. There’s email. This isn’t over. This. Is. Not. Over.”

“Do you promise?”

“It’s not over ‘'til you say it is.”

“I say it’s never over Brian. I’ll be back.”

“Even if you’re not. We’ll figure something out.”

“Do you have any idea how much I love you?”

“I’m starting to figure it out.”

“Brian. I… I… I don’t think I can do this.”

“Shhhh you have to. We have to. You’re not doing it alone this time. This isn’t me pushing you off a cliff. This isn’t you walking out. This is us, knowing what we have to do for US. Justin… you have to trust me, we’ll be okay.”

“How can you know that?”

“I know everything.”

“Shut up.”

“I know because I’m not losing you. I just won’t let it happen.”

“It’s not up to you.”

“No, it’s up to us.”

“Well, I’m not giving you up.”

“So we’re in agreement. If we’re both in agreement we’re fine.”

“Brian, I’m gonna miss you.” Justin was trying not to cry, and failing miserably.

Brian held him against his chest. Letting the tears fall, his own and Justin's. “This is it. We cry now. No crying after tonight. After tonight we’re together, just with a distance issue okay?”

He felt Justin nod against him. His arms tightened around him as they both moved slowly back towards the bed.

“I love you Justin.” He whispered.

They spent the night holding one another. They spent the night fucking. They spent the night making love. And when Brian woke up, Justin was gone. He whispered it one more time “I love you Justin” and lit a cigarette. He allowed himself the full time it took to smoke it to wallow and then moved on to the task at hand… living and working hard so that his weekends were free.


End file.
